I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
