im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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