I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
