can u get pink eye on your cock?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
