I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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