Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
