i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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