did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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