Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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