Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
