please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm always down for nudity.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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