Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
