If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
