Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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