you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
