Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
