If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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