If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
