Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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