Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
