I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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