Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
