Cold hands, warm shart.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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