I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We need to rekindle our bromance
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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