i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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