all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
