so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
