You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
