she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
