Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My ass is underappreciated
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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