I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
