Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
