So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
