I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
