id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
