I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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