The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
