What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
