i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
me + whiskey = a bad person
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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