Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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