life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
