R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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