i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
