So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i've created a new STD.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
