I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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