I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
