My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
