I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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