new low.... made out with someone while peeing
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can you repeat that, but with context?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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