ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
