so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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