i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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