just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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