I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
